What Healing Trauma is Like

Rocky mountains breaking through the clouds against a pink sky.

This is a description of the trauma-healing process and the phases you might go through as you heal from emotional trauma, such as abuse and neglect.

Just when you think you’ve healed from one aspect of abuse or turmoil, and maybe even after years of smooth sailing, that same issue you thought you were over can pop back up, making you wonder what you missed. But, you didn’t miss anything. You healed powerfully, and in such a way that now you’re ready to go deeper into it and see what else there is to learn.

It’s coming back up at this time because whatever there is to learn from it will benefit you now.

Perhaps you weren’t ready to go there when you first intentionally started healing. If it’s coming back up now, you can trust that you’re ready for the next level.

Or maybe, you’re just getting started with intentional healing. Either way, this post applies.

I know what healing trauma is like because I watch my clients go through it. And I’ve been through it too. When I describe what it feels like, know that I’ve personally felt each sensation in my cells.

Here are the topics we’ll cover:

Healing is Not Linear. It's This...

Ever heard of the Fibonacci sequence?

It’s the spiral pattern that repeats in nature. You can see it in seashells, ferns, the way seeds grow in the middle of a sunflower, and you can even hear it in music. You can recreate it in music. At it’s core, it’s a mathematical ratio that manifests physically as a spiral.

Healing trauma follows this same natural, Universal pattern.

We, as humans, are part of nature. We follow the same patterns.

An example of the Fibonacci sequence in our lives is when you say you’re “spiraling” into anxiety. We throw this term, “spiraling,” around a lot. (There’s nothing wrong with that at all, btw…)

When my clients are overwhelmed with anxiety, they can often tell what triggered it and can see the beginning of a spiral, even though, at first, they can’t stop it. They can see it coming, much like when you slowly ride up the incline of a roller coaster, anticipating the fall. You know it’s coming. You can anticipate what’s next. And then in only a few seconds, they’re off with hands in the air, screaming (on the inside) with their stomachs in knots and hearts racing, down the other side.

That roller coaster metaphor is how we experience healing from a human perspective. We easily see it as linear. Much like the incline and decline of a roller coaster, what comes up for healing can seem like waves. Looking at your healing process like waves can be scary. You can’t really tell when they’re going to calm or if they ever will.

But if you zoom out and look at it from an omniscient perspective, you can see that trauma healing is not a linear process.

It stands to reason that if you can go down the spiral (like in a spiral of anxiety), you can also go up the spiral. The further you go down, the closer the coils come together, and therefore the more intense they feel. The further you go up the spiral, the further apart the coils get, and it seems like the lessons to be learned on those coils are few and further in between.

So remember, when you’re feeling overwhelmed in your healing process, zoom out and look at the Fibonacci spiral pattern that you’re traveling. You get to choose whether you’re going down or up the spiral. I think the spiral, much like a spring, can squish together or it can be pulled so the coils are further apart too. This is why everyone’s healing process is unique to them, even though there are similar parts and pieces that many people may have in common.

The spiral pattern creates the natural cycles of contraction and expansion that we experience in our lives. Contraction and expansion in us is normal. The Universe goes through it too.

Knowing that, as you move on to the next section in this blog, remember that the experiences listed that you might go through while healing trauma may not happen in the order they’re listed. They might also happen more than once or partially, showing up at different times.

Here's What Happens During Trauma Healing

It will be unique to you.

It will be hard.

It will be rewarding.

It will be a learning and trial and error experience.

It will be a deeply introspective and enlightening experience.

But the way out is through.

You’ll start to become aware of your triggers and become able to observe them as they’re happening.

You’ll become more intentional in your actions and reactions.

You’ll eventually be able to change your response to a trigger. You’ll try different things to do this.

You’ll start changing the way you think. You’ll question your entire worldview and everything you were ever taught or conditioned to believe. You’ll question people’s motivations.

You’ll experience extreme highs and lows — one moment you’ll be crying happy tears in complete gratitude and the next moment, you might be so sad for the experiences you never got to have. You’ll become angry. You’ll also become elated and feel free.

You’ll learn to tolerate multiple, seemingly conflicting emotions happening at the same time.

You’ll experience love and hate so intensely you’ll wonder if they’re one and the same.

Then you’ll realize they’re not. Each has its place. As does the rest of duality. Everything is a lesson.

You’ll realize what really matters to you.

You might begin to spiritually expand and notice signs and synchronicities all around you telling you that you’re supported by the Universe.

You’ll have to learn to trust yourself and your intuition again — you’re not crazy or broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. What you’re going through is a normal response to trauma, abuse, neglect, or the like.

Relationships play a role in your healing, and you’ll start feeling out how that can be. Old relationships that don’t align anymore will start to fall away (some will be easy and some will be hard to let go of.) And new relationships will start to enter your life. Some will be short and some will last long-term, and some will last forever. Relationships will become more aligned over time because you’ll be more discerning.

Your old coping mechanisms start hurting more than helping, so you’ll have to find and integrate new ones.

Firm, sturdy walls will start to come down while at the same time, movable fences and boundaries will start to go up.

You’ll realize that the world doesn’t operate in black and white, and that the shades of gray in between are an infinite playground for exploration.

You’ll keep questioning everything you think you know.

You’ll feel like it’s taking forever, and sometimes like you’re going backwards. But you’re not.

Sometimes you might feel physical pain and not be able to find answers with doctors because it’s trauma related and all your tests are coming back normal. You’ll keep looking and trying other healing modalities anyways. You’ll nurture and nourish your body.

You might have some memory loss, brain fog, and fatigue. You’ll feel like you can’t think straight or keep track of things like you used to. Don’t be too hard on yourself when this happens.

You’ll need to sleep and rest, A LOT. Let yourself. You’re not lazy, you’re healing.

You’ll realize that feeling your emotions is the only way to make them stop. And that it won’t kill you to let yourself feel the emotion.

You will wretch on the floor and scream into the void.

You’ll grieve for so many different things — people and experiences who are alive and dead — and you’ll start to process that grief and realize how important it is. You’ll acknowledge what you’ve lost, but you’ll also be able to acknowledge how that loss has opened up so many new doors for you to walk through.

You’ll find tools and information to support your healing process when you need them. Divine timing is a real thing.

Part of finding tools to support your healing involve being able to laugh and play, despite it all. And not as a way to avoid the pain, but as a way to know there’s hope that the pain will heal.

You’ll feel glimmers of hope.

You’ll start talking about what happened to you.

You might feel like a victim for a while. But you’ll be able to get past that.

The way you tell your story will shift from how you were hurt to how you are healing.

Your self esteem and confidence will be low, but you’ll start to build it back. As part of this, you might need to prove to yourself that you’re capable. But you’re not only capable of doing it on your own, you’re worthy of the support and love of others.

You’ll start to see how we’re all so interconnected that the suffering you’ve been exposed to at the hands of another can’t be blamed or pinned on one person, even though they are responsible for their actions, whether they acknowledge it or not. It’s a web of cause and effect that has been millennia in the making.

You’ll take responsibility for your role in your own suffering and the suffering of others and figure out how you can make different choices.

You’ll have to face parts of yourself that you’ve never acknowledged. And you’ll begin to accept and love those parts rather than feeling ashamed of them. You’ll do this because you’ll realize that the answers aren’t outside of you, they’re inside of you. This will start to fill the hole you’ve been trying to fill for all those years.

You’ll forgive yourself and others.

You’ll apologize to people, even if you don’t get an apology in return.

You’ll be able to give yourself the closure you need, even if it doesn’t come from external factors.

You’ll start to embody your intrinsic worth and believe that you have value.

Your inner dialogue will start to change. You’ll realize that the mean things you say to yourself were really put there by somebody else. And you can be kind to yourself.

Instead of thinking everyone is out to get you or that the other shoe is going to drop, you’ll start to believe in the good and expect it.

You’ll start to let go of how you think life “should be” and start accepting it for what it is.

You’ll start giving people the benefit of the doubt. And you won’t live on high alert anymore.

Your priorities will change.

Your identity will shift. You’ll remember who you really are, but because you’ve processed and integrated new experiences, yourself will be a different, more authentic version.

You will no longer be afraid.

You’ll feel a deep gratitude for all that you’ve been through, even though it’s complicated.

And instead of being on a healing journey, moving forward, you’ll just call it life. And you’ll feel equipped to handle it — the highs and the lows.

You. Will. Rise.

Ways to Work with Me

If you’d like support with this, I’m here when you’re ready, offering one-on-one coaching in the areas of trauma-informed life coaching and/or trauma recovery coaching.

Questions or Comments?

What else have you experienced in your own trauma healing that I might have missed? Feel free to let me know in the comments. Drop any question you may have in the comments too, or you can schedule a free consultation.