Ways to Stop Fearing Rejection
This is advice on how to empower yourself when your fear of rejection is holding you back in relationships or meeting your goals.
Being seen, whether through creating, storytelling, or nurturing close, interpersonal relationships, means at some point you have to put yourself out there.
You have to be willing to be seen in whatever way resonates with you.
Anytime you present yourself to another human being, or put yourself “out there” in any form, you run the risk of rejection or judgement.
Ugh, no fun, am I right?
On the flip side, you also have a chance of a reward so great, it can lead to personal growth, fulfillment, and satisfaction - it can lead to a magical life, honestly, once you get in the flow of just spewing love no matter what.
So, just because you fear being rejected doesn’t mean you can’t take measures to mitigate that fear and the pain that comes with rejection to start seeing positive results.
Here are ways to mitigate the pain that comes with rejection or perceived rejection:
Know Your Worth
You matter and have value that is independent of any judgement or opinion of anyone else in existence.
Seriously, this is huge.
You do matter as a human being just for existing. It doesn’t matter what you do, who you are, what you contribute, how much money you make, who you love, what color you are, where you’re from, how productive you are, or for any other reason.
If you truly believe this deep within your soul, when rejection comes you will understand that it has nothing to do with your worth and value as a person. It has everything to do with the person doing the rejecting, where they’re at in their own life, what their needs are, and whether or not all those moving parts and pieces line up with where you are at this moment in time.
And if the rejection is ugly and unnecessarily hurtful rather than amicable and pleasant (as pleasant as a rejection can be), having a solid foundation of self worth ensures that you can be kind and compassionate to yourself when you feel the difficult emotions that may arise and also provides an inner stability that assists with regulating those emotions. In other words, you can take care of yourself rather than beat yourself up about it.
This bring us to…
Remember, It's About Them, Not You
It really is about the other person and their own insecurities being projected onto you.
Any judgement made by a human being - and I feel confident with this major generalization - is typically a reflection of the person doing the judging rather than the person being judged.
That's not to say the judgement did or didn’t come in the best interest of the person doing the judging, because they have a right to determine if boundaries should be set in their best interest, even if that means not accepting you and what you have to offer in their lives.
However, that judgement has nothing to do with your worth and value as a human, even if you made a mistake and even if you didn’t. It has everything to do with where the other person is at, what they’re feeling, what they’ve been through, and their ability to have a healthy dynamic with you or support you being your true self. The same goes for you when you reject someone.
For example, perhaps what brings you joy, like learning to play guitar at age 50 instead of focusing on a career you hate, triggers jealousy or a fear of loss or lack in them or vice versa.
It’s up to the person doing the judging to work through those emotions so they can find joy. Perhaps they can’t effectively do that with you. That still doesn't say anything about your worth and value.
See Rejection as a Blessing
“Whoa - what in the world is this chick talking about?” I hear you thinking.
Hear me out.
I’m not talking about #blessed. I’m talking about if it’s not meant for you, it needs to go away so the things that are meant for you have the space to show up. When the space opens for the things that are meant for you, that really is a blessing.
This may sound a little woo-woo, but it's true.
It's a big world with lots of promise. What is yours is out there and it wants to find you.
Maybe what’s yours is something you borrow for a limited period of time and then it has to go away so you can move on to the next stepping stone in your life. And maybe what's yours is yours to keep forever.
Rejection is what you feel when it's time for what you’ve borrowed to move on - whether it be a relationship, a job opportunity, a subscriber on your email list (hello Internet entrepreneurs like me!), a home, or even a vegetable garden that you just can’t keep alive anymore.
The Universe has a way of working out what’s for your highest good if you're open to it. If you keep chasing what’s not meant for you, you end up with even more heartache and trauma to process.
That is absolutely your choice to make though. It’s all part of the learning process.
Focus on What You Can Control
What you have control over, besides how you respond to others and situations, is how vulnerable you’re willing to be in life and relationships.
If you put yourself out there, you’ve done your part. Whereas, if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ve chosen to close yourself off to opportunity for connection and understanding. But if you’ve opened yourself up for opportunity (which also opens you up to the possibility of rejection), you’ve proactively embraced what you do have control over, which you can be proud of.
Remember, you have no control over the actions and reactions of others. Knowing this is the first step to letting go of an outcome. If you’ve done your part, and you’ve done your absolute best, the rest is out of your hands.
That’s freeing. If you can’t control it, it’s not your responsibility.
And if you know you can’t control it, then that enables you to set your expectations accordingly.
Having reasonable expectations helps temper disappointment and discouragement when a situation goes differently than what you’d hoped for.
It’s still okay to hope for exactly what you want by the way - that’s separate from having reasonable expectations.
Questions or Comments?
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions in the comments, or you can schedule a free consultation.
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Hey there!
I’m Brandi Fleck, TICC. I’m a private practice, certified trauma-informed life coach and trauma recovery coach. All genders, sexualities, and races are welcome here. I primarily serve clients via one-on-one coaching and self-paced trauma education.
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